Monday, May 11, 2009

Chuck Norris on Java Programming

This has got to be one of the funniest things I have ever heard:

(pasted from) http://www.ovisual.com/4/

  • Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
  • Chuck Norris serializes objects straight into human skulls.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t deploy web applications, he roundhouse kicks them into the server.
  • Chuck Norris always uses his own design patterns, and his favorite is the Roundhouse Kick.
  • Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
  • Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your web app will turn into a swing application, and a very bad swing application containing lots of icons of human skulls.
  • Chuck Norris demonstrated the meaning of Float.POSITIVE_INFINITY by counting to it, twice.
  • A synchronize doesn’t protect against Chuck Norris, if he wants the object, he takes it.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use javac, he codes java by using a binary editor on the class files.
  • Chuck Norris’ java code never needs to be optimized. His code is so fast that it broke the speed of light during a test run in Sun’s labs killing 37 people.
  • When someone attempts to use one of Chuck Norris’ deprecated methods, they automatically get a roundhouse kick to the face at compile time.
  • The java.lang package originally contained a ChuckNorris class, but it punched its way out the package during a design review and roundhouse kicked Bill Joy in the face.
  • Chuck Norris never has a bug in his code, EVER!
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t write code. He stares at a computer screen until he gets the progam he wants.
  • Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
  • Chuck Norris’ binary edited classes ignore Java bytecode verifier.
  • Chuck Norris methods doesn’t catch exceptions becuase no one has the guts to throw any at them.
  • Chuck Norris will cast a value to any type just by staring at it.
  • If you get a ChuckNorrisException you’ll probably die.
  • Chuck Norris is the only one who can use goto and const in Java.
  • Chuck Norris can compile Java code in .NET Framework, obviously just by staring at it.
  • Chuck dont need to catch an Exception because Java is afraid of the “flying tornado kick” at the moment it throws
  • Chuck Norris’s code can roundhouse kick all other Java Objects’ privates
  • Java visibility levels are public, default, protected, private and “protected by Chuck Norris”, don’t try to access a field with this last modifier!!
  • Chuck Norris eats JavaBeans and Roundhouse Kicks JavaServer Faces!
  • Chuck Norris can divide by 0!
  • Garbage collector only runs on Chuck Norris code to collect the bodies.
  • Chuck Norris code uses agressive heap natively
  • Every single line code of Chuck Norris runs in real time. Even in a multi threading application.
  • When a CPU load a Chuck Norris class file, it doubles the speed.
  • Chuck Norris can execute 64bit lenght instructions in a 32bit CPU.
  • Chuck Norris implements “Indestructible”. All the other creatures implements “Killable”.
  • Chuck Norris only program Java web applications to get a .WAR in the end.
  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a Java class very hard. The result is known as a inner class.
  • Chuck Norris can do multiple inheritance in Java.
  • JVM never throws exceptions to Chuck Norris, not anymore. 753 killed Sun engineers is enough.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need unit tests because his code always work. ALWAYS.
  • Chuck Norris extends God.
  • Chuck Norris workstation has so memory and it’s so powerful that he could run all java applications in the world and get 2% of resources usage.
  • Chuck Norris codes generics since 1.3.
  • Chuck Norris’ classes can’t be decompiled… don’t bother trying.

37 comments:

  1. Drive carefully. It is not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.............................................

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  2. 你可以從外表的美來評論一朵花或一隻蝴蝶,但你不能這樣來評論一個人........................................

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  3. I appreciate the information. iphone development with iphone
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    is really grooming these days as demand for business and entertainment application is increasing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. 好的開始並不代表會成功,壞的開始並不代表是失敗......................................................

    ReplyDelete
  5. 向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。............................................................

    ReplyDelete
  6. 當一個人內心能容納兩樣相互衝突的東西,這個人便開始變得有價值了。............................................................

    ReplyDelete
  7. 好文章就值得回響,如果可以常常看到您的更新,應該是件很幸福的事情~~............................................................

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  8. Never hesitate to hold out your hand; never hesitate to accept the outstretched hand of another...................................................................

    ReplyDelete
  9. 知識可以傳授,智慧卻不行。每個人必須成為他自己。. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    ReplyDelete
  10. 不論做什麼事,相信自己,別讓別人的一句話,把你擊倒。..................................................

    ReplyDelete